DUCKY FOREVER

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DUCKY FOREVER 〰️

f.k.a. ducky, a.k.a. skips

fuck it, i’ll write in the first person now. ducky was my life from ages 13-29. i started producing on a cheap copy of logic pro 6 (before apple bought it, i think?) and a motu interface in the 8th grade. i wanted to be jimmy tamborello (dntel) from the postal service. there were no youtube tutorials yet. my dad and i sat on the floor and read the manual. i took ableton classes at robotspeak in sf with a bunch of dudes in their 20s. i made an album and sold it to the parents at my middle school. i charted on myspace. i started playing shows at local middle schools and at random high school parties in the suburbs near san francisco. started raving in sf. my friend’s mom dropped us off at a rave under an overpass in the cuts and told us not to call her and i knew i was exactly where i was supposed to be. i took a dj lesson when i was 14 and told the instructor “i’m not doing this - but i’ll work for you if you help me dj”. for some reason he said yes? i spun the side room at a club in soma and did whatever they asked me to - glow sticks, guest list, whatever. i used a fake id to get in everywhere. spent most of my time at the gingerbread house and going to skills and spundae events. sometimes i flew down to la for “massives” like together as one. i kinda thought i wanted to be a skills girl, actually. gogo-ing and shit. i djed my first proper rave b2b with a friend at the regency ballroom in san francisco in 2009. half of our set was before the doors opened. i loved it.

i dropped out of high school, got my ged, and went to nyu to study recorded music (it’s a longer story how that worked out). i started to perform a live set and sing over ableton loops that i triggered on this craaaaazy setup with this cool custom stand. i had two dancers (beck and margaret!!!) and for a while we also performed with a drummer. we played everywhere we could - venues all over new york, college parties (hi hampshire!!), even paris one time where my gear barely worked because i didn’t think about electricity conversion. we played with artists like shlomo, lil b, danny brown, roxy cottontail, andre nickatina, the list goes on… honestly i was blacked out for a huge portion of this era so my bad. i also got to work with a ton of talented music video directors and the visuals from this era were sick. i’ll try to add some here.

anyways basically long story short i ran away to LA because i was crashing out and ended up getting sober. i decided to focus on dance music more than like, indie pop vibes, and rethought the whole plan, basically. i was doing vocals for a lot of club tracks that sorta popped off - maybe u heard them in 2014-2016 era. also did a vocals on a cute track with wongo that randomly charted for ages in australia which blew my mind. they were playing it in grocery stores!! i could barely get to 1000 followers on soundcloud and was only occasionally getting booked to dj. anyways. had a release with owsla’s sister label nest, sonny tweeted the release, things started to move. played a brownies and lemonade at an unpermitted gallery space right after skrillex and he tweeted the address. shit was like a fever dream - i distinctly remember accidentally knocking tinashe over as i was trying to get to the dj booth. if u ever see this, i’m sorry. crushed the set (duh), started getting more bookings. this was also the era that i threw my first party, with space yacht, in la. we tried to do a proper rave - that was always the vision from around this time on. i grew up raving and i wanted that feeling back, where it was for the freaks, where it was supportive and loving. where i could go as a messed up kid on drugs and feel 100% accepted. so that was the vision, we find this warehouse that kinda misrepresented the permit situation (it happens), i was terrified we weren’t gonna sell 300 tickets, and then 1100 people show up in the first hour. the cops rolled it, like 16 squad cars. but the crowd was such good vibes everyone just dipped onto the street and took the inflatable ducks with them. we did the “rave is not a crime” merch to make up for it (sent it for free to everyone who traveled from out of la) and threw a sold-out makeup show in the big room at union (it’s called catch one now). best night of my life, honestly it blew my fucking mind.

other notable shit: anna lunoe and mija took me on my first tour, this b2b set of stops in texas where i went back to back with uniiqu3. started a club track label with two other people, the first track was my song “work” and we gave away the acapella and it went craaaaazy. so many remixes. i still hear the vocal sometimes!! i love that shit. it was in a stella mccartney fashion week show which was gas. next stop was “don’t give up yet” ep with ryan hemsworth’s label secret songs, this is one of my most iconic i think - it had “bliss” on it. at this point we’re getting like, pitchfork premieres, npr writeups, crazy. i got cold emailed by a big dance agent and signed with them. started getting booked to open for a ton of artists i had only dreamed of playing with. 2016 or 2017 i played my first festival(s). the first was a disco donnie one that doesn’t exist anymore. i was geeked that a trailer had my name on it. got to play sunset at nocturnal. okay if i go thru every gig we’re gonna be here forever. u get the picture. shit was exciting. 2018 i think i played 100 dates? did my first bus tour (thank u nghtmre!), did my all original + bootleg set that i premiered at hard summer, toured in australia, i was all over the fucking place. living my dream, meeting my fans everywhere, unreal. burnt out heavy by the end of the year, mental health on zero. but what can ya do. i even got to take my dad to see me play at bill graham, an 8000 cap venue i would go to the lovefest afterparty at when i was a teenager. also put out some v cute tracks this year like “headfirst” - i think i was kinda honing the sound. also, did i tell u i still have every piece of kandi any fan has ever given me? i even brough them with me when i moved to europe :)

2019 i decide i’m gonna do a live set again. i’m gonna be real with you - ducky live did not turn out how i envisioned it. i’m still proud of myself but there were a lot of obstacles behind the scenes. that’s all i’ll say about that. i did get to tour it at some of my dream festivals though - lollapalooza, edc vegas, likeeeee come on. that’s still cool. 2019 was also the year i did ugh just rave again, the redux, my only dj set booked that year. i got to book my friends and take over exchange in la. we sold it out - crazy!!! and i did an hour+ meet and greet with everyone and honestly that was just as fun as the djing itself. y’all are so cool. i still have the giant tarp banner thing they hung outside lol. it was one of those super special moments like - let’s be clear i literally used to have conversations all the time with other touring djs about how they wished they had my fan base because my fans were genuinely the nicest coolest sweetest people ever. but it was just so obvious that night u know. like nobody had to push to get through the crowd, people were helping each other, the vibes were insane. i love y’all. oh also this was the year i released some all time bangers, i was releasing dubstep with deadbeats a lot (a place to rest, addicted to your distance, leave) and then self-released the optimism ep, which for sure is one of my best bits of music of all time :’). oh and it was on billboard as like best new music??? sick

okay so 2020 is where shit got real. i had my first north american headline tour booked to start in…. april of 2020. obviously that shit fell through. my whole year was planned around that tour. had a mental breakdown (who didn’t?). played one insomniac livestream festival, trended on twitter, everyone kept tweeting that they found their favorite new “female dj” and it kinda snapped my gender situation but no worries if u did that it was bound to happen eventually. i did crush that set tho u were right. i’ll link it. anyways i was actually thinking about quitting music then and i dipped off of socials for a while but basically my agent called and was like yeah you have to do the tour next year it’s all contracted and i was like uhhhhhhhhh OK. wait but watch the set first lol

sickening no? anyways i started releasing music again and i did put out some bangers in my humble opinion - raver boi, don’t give up still, hyper bloxxd, etc. i was actually out to my family and close friends around this time but i kind of figured i would never be able to transition because my voice was such a huge part of my career. and also i really was not ready to be publicly trans - this shit is hard. so i kind of lived in this limbo in 2021, put a wig on every weekend to go tour and then came home and tried to figure out what it meant to be myself. i still loved djing and i still loved my fanbase but i also felt an immense pressure (probably self-created) to be something i was not. near the end of the tour i decided i was going to retire and started working on a plan to do so in a way that honored the incredible bond i had with my fans. i started planning to retire around october of 2021 and in november i started rolling out my first and final album with a retrospective of iconic ducky moments in time. on december 1 of 2021 i posted the announcement that i was leaving the industry and left an 18 track album as a parting gift. i think that album fucked and obviously i didn’t promote it beyond that so if u haven’t heard it i think u should lol. i’ll link it. anyways - the rest is history. a massive thank you to every fan who participated in even the smallest of ways at any point in the journey. ducky was my guiding light and the thing that kept me alive while i learned how to live. you kept me alive while i learned how to live. i hope i gave some of it back to you. ducky forever!